Have you ever said something that you wished you could take back? Have you ever felt the sting of words that were directed your way? Have you ever been around one of those people that seemed to never have their mouth closed? Are you one of those people that never stops talking? I have felt the sting of words, and I have likewise shook my head in regret of letting the words fly. We live in a society that says, “Say whatever you are feeling, say it when you feel it, and say EXACTLY what you’re thinking.” I believe that there is some wisdom that can be found in this philosophy, but I also believe that it can be very dangerous. I will explain.
We have to speak to make it through our every day. We rejoice at our children’s first words. Speech is wonderful. I believe that the breakdown in our freedom of expression is when we do it despite how it affects others around us. We have come to applaud these people:
*Those who “have no fear of saying what’s on their minds”
*Those who “tell you like it is”
*Those who “don’t hold back”
I believe that if there is a breakdown in communication, there is a breakdown in relationships. The key is how we communicate. All of the above sayings are simply excuses for being rude. Don’t get me wrong, I have used these excuses! I wouldn’t be writing this blog if it weren’t a lesson learned and still learning by myself.
I do an awful lot of working with children, and although I have none of my own, I have the privilege of seeing great parents training up their children. I think it’s pretty much across the board that all parents and teachers teach about the same basics: (1) Share. (2) Be respectful (3) Don’t hit…you know…the basics. I teach the children that I interact with that it is OKAY to disagree, but you CAN do it respectfully! I hope that I gave my students many avenues to practice that, and I hope that I modeled it with them and when they saw me interact with my coworkers. That will be one of my goals as I continue to teach and become a mother one day.
It saddens me to see relationships around me deteriorate because of the tongue. Zach tells me that if I were a dog, I would be one of those yappy ones that thinks they’re monstrous. Yes, I know. I know. It was just last week that I let my tongue go on a guy that was speaking disrespectfully to me. I immediately regretted it. (Don’t get me wrong. I am in NO WAY justifying his behavior.) There is no power in letting your tongue speak whatever is on your mind. There is power in restraint. There is power in love. Be creative with those you disagree with. Are you in a position of authority? The people under your authority will be much more willing to please you if you treat them with respect. That goes for any relationship. I have NEVER regretted keeping my mouth shut, but oh so many times, I have regretted letting it open.
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God told Solomon that He would give him anything that he asked of Him. Solomon asked for wisdom. God was very pleased with that request, so He gave Solomon wisdom. He was so pleased that He also gave him riches. Solomon, was given abundant wisdom, wisdom from God. He wrote the book of Proverbs so that “we could know wisdom and instruction”. So this very wise man has this to say about our tongues:
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” –Proverbs 10:19
“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” –Proverbs 13:3
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” –Proverbs 15:1
“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” –Proverbs 17:27-28
Wow. That’s pretty straightforward. There are no clauses in those verses. This even applies to those difficult people, those people with different opinions, and even those people that come lashing at us. My prayer for myself if that in my speech I would encourage others and be loving. The difficult people are the ones that need it the most. The reason for my title is because in James 3, the lack of controlling our tongue is described as a deadly poison among other things. Go check it out. I’m not there yet, reader friends, but may we aim to keep that in mind in our every day.
Shaped by Grace,
Jessica Hardy
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